


would you lie with me (and just forget the world)

by hoodiestrings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2018!Phan, Friends to Lovers, M/M, interactive introverts, tour fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:27:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24306661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodiestrings/pseuds/hoodiestrings
Summary: He nods, "We were filming a sims video. The second one, where we were supposed to build a house for Dil. He was excited and grinning and clapping the whole time. And he looked at me with these fond and puppy eyes. I realised I would give him the whole world if he asked me to. I think I've always loved him, but looking back, that was when I realised."( or the one where phil's in love and they travel the world together )
Relationships: Cornelia Dahlgren/Martyn Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 35





	would you lie with me (and just forget the world)

**Author's Note:**

> title from Snow Patrol's 'Chasing Cars'. i'm in love with that song.
> 
> ( the word count is 2022 just saying )

The decision is made on a lazy Sunday morning while watching ' _Food Wars_ '. And then they are off, to another tour, to places they couldn't visit last time. 'Interactive Introverts', Phil smiles. He is nervous, a little bit, but the pride he is feeling fills his chest to the brim.

Dan places a hand on the small of his back. "Ready?" he asks, patting down his curls.

"Yes." and then, because Phil knows him, because he could read the creases between his eyebrows, he adds, "We'll be fine."

Dan doesn't reply, just sends him a smile. And Phil also knows that it's his way of agreeing.

Brighton is loud and warm and accepting. It's bizarre, Phil thinks on stage, how this all started with a cereal box and a leap of faith. And then he thinks about the emotional mother they met all those years ago in this very place, and feels his eyes well up. Dan catches his eyes, sends him a worried glance. He just shakes his head in return.

They get down the stage still buzzing with adrenaline.

"It was crazy!" Dan laughs, almost like he couldn't believe it. And then he turns to him, "Was it the lighting? Or did you actually tear up?"

Phil cracks a smile, "I just thought about the emotional mum we met years ago, and then I thought about how surreal this all is, this YouTube stuff? It's not like we —"

But Dan claps him on the shoulder, "Mate, you're going to make me wail now. Please don't."

He is sweaty and flushed, the redness going from his face down to his neck, until it disappears underneath his white shirt. But he has a grin on his face bigger than Phil has ever seen on him. He is the most beautiful thing in the entire world; to Phil at least. And yes, he is more than a little biased.

He must have been staring for too long, because even though Dan doesn't notice, his brother does.

"Great show today, guys!" Cornelia yells excitedly, and bounces up to them. She seems to be going in for a hug, but she stops and wrinkles her nose instead, "Jeez, _no_. You guys stink."

Dan rolls his eyes and bumps their shoulders together. "As offending as that is, she is not wrong." — Cornelia grins innocently at this — "Let's get out of here."

Martyn pulls him aside, but before he could open his mouth, Phil wiggles out of his grip and follows Dan.

Phil is certainly not a jealous person. Except when it comes to Dan.

Dan has been growing closer to Cal, a guy on their crew. He is tall, even taller than Dan himself, with dark hair and light eyes. And he is buff too. Not too much, but just enough to fill out his shirt to show off his muscles. He is sweet, from when Phil has talked to him, and he is smart too. And very funny.

Phil hates him.

"He is so _tall_!" Dan gasps, gaping at him from across the room. Cal catches him looking, and Dan grows red and snatches his eyes away from him to Phil.

"You're pretty tall too." Phil laughs awkwardly, nudging him on the shoulder. Then, casually reminds him, "And I am too."

Dan pouts, "But I don't like my height."

And yes, Phil knows this. Dan was 18 when Phil first noticed him slouching and curling in to himself. He had looked so tiny in Phil's room. He wanted to appear smaller, Dan had told him, because it makes him feel safe. Over the years Dan has grown a lot more confident in himself and in his work and in what he wants, but he lets his frame curl.

"And you don't have to do that with Cal." Phil nods to himself, just barely keeping the bitterness out "What a weird thing to crush on someone because of that."

Dan laughs beside him, startled and loud. "Spork." he chuckles, but doesn't say anything else.

They move on to Milton Keynes, then Nottingham, London, Glasgow. They're in Edinburgh now, one of Dan's favourite city. He is out somewhere. But Phil is in his hotel room with Martyn, with a wine glass in each of their hands.

"Cor couldn't join us?" Phil asks, as Martyn settles on his hotel bed.

"Nah, she took an early night. It was quite a stressful day." he says, pouring wine in both of their glasses "And Dan?"

Phil looks out of his window, at the night sky, and purses his lip. "Probably out somewhere," he says bitterly "Maybe with Cal."

Martyn raises a brow, "Oh?"

He doesn't ask him anything, but he would eventually. Phil has known him long enough, and well enough. He would prob gently, slowly, and then all at once. And it always makes Phil's walls come crashing down.

So he takes a sip of his wine and says, "I know why you asked me to join you tonight. So let me save you the trouble. Yes. Yes, I'm in love with Dan."

Martyn shrugs, like he has seen this coming. "I've known this since you brought that guy to our family holiday. You looked at him like you are ready to drop down on your knees and ask him to marry you then and there." — They both smile at that — "Since when have you loved him? I think it would be nice for you to vent."

Phil takes a huge gulp this time, downing in all of his wine. He pours another glass. "You just want to gossip." Phil laughs, before looking away. "Since 2014." he admits, his voice quiet.

"4 years?"

He nods, "We were filming a sims video. The second one, where we were supposed to build a house for Dil. He was excited and grinning and clapping the whole time. And he looked at me with these fond and puppy eyes. I realised I would give him the whole world if he asked me to. I think I've always loved him, but looking back, that was when I realised."

His eyes are burning, he realises, and lets his lips twist into a sad smile. Martyn's silent, looking at him with a steady gaze.

''You're in too deep.'' Martyn says, more to himself than to anyone else.

As if Phil doesn't know this already.

Dan stops spending as much time with Cal. Phil notices this when they are well into the US leg of their tour. Dan is curled up beside him on the sofa in the 'lounge' of the tour bus, his head on Phil's shoulder and curls tickling his cheek. They are catching up on all the shows they are missing, as the rest of the crew are out stretching their legs.

''How long to get to our hotel?'' Dan asks, his voice muffled into the crook of Phil's neck.

''About an hour or so.'' Phil tells him.

It's then that he realises, with his fingers twitching to just take Dan's hand in his.

He doesn't get the chance to ask him though, because when Phil turns to do just that, Dan's asleep on his shoulder.

Apparently, Cal has noticed this too. Because a few days later, Cal comes up to Dan.

''Did I do something wrong?'' he asks.

Dan, who is sitting with his leg stretched onto Phil's lap and Cornelia on his side, just shakes his head. ''No. Of course not. It's not you. I'm just really busy and tired nowadays.''

Cal sighs, ''Seriously, mate. I think we all know how much of that is bullshit.''

''It's seriously —"

But Cal is shaking his head, ''Never mind. I can't believe I liked you."

Phil feels a cold dread fall over him, and he watches the guilty and ashamed expression on Dan's face worsen. ''Cal!'' Dan yells, almost in despair, but Cal is already walking away without a second glance back.

"Woah," Cornelia comments, trying to dissipate the tension from the atmosphere.

"I feel bad," Dan sighs "I didn't mean to lead him on, I —"

He stands up abruptly, following Cal outside. Phil lets his eyes travel down Dan's body as he walks, over the dip of his waist and the curve of his hips, the swell of his ass and his long legs. He pushes the guilt of checking his best friend out back to the unopened box in his mind. He doesn't need anymore thoughts to cloud his brain tonight.

India is bright and colourful and diverse. Dan's eyes are wide. "It's been a long time since I have been here," he is saying, probably for the millionth time "I missed the smell of spices in the air."

They go around the ' _bazaar_ ' and have _samose_. Phil loves the Indian cuisine, loves the Indian themed restaurant close to their home. But this is otherworldly.

Dan laughs at his expression, ”If you love the spicy samose so much, you would love the _gol guppe_ too."

They go around the market that's buzzing with people, around the brightly coloured saris and the sweets displayed along the shop front. A girl comes up to them shyly, and asks for a picture, if it's not such a bother? She has flowers in her hands - 'hibiscuses', she tells them. Dan drapes one behind his ear, and Phil couldn't stop looking at him. Her picture turns out to be a grinning Dan and Phil making 'love eyes' at him.

They go to a bar late at night, tagged along with Cornelia and Martyn. Though the latter two just huddle in a corner, lips together. The bartender calls Dan a 'kid' when they go to buy drinks, and Dan complains about it for 20 minutes as the night darkens outside.

Phil stares at the shape of Dan's mouth, curling around each syllable, instead of listening to him talk.

Mexico is loud and cheerful and inspiring. It's their last show, last time getting on stage before they are back in the dreary coldness of London. Phil smiles a little wider, stares at Dan a little longer, but he can't help it.

They get down the stage, the screams still resonating in his ears.

"I told you we'll make it." Dan tells him, his voice thick. His eyes are filled with tears which he is trying to hold at bay. But then he breaks, and throws his arms around Phil, nuzzling closer into his neck.

Phil holds him close, looks at him. He sees him in 2009, with flushed cheeks and lowered gaze. He sees him in 2010, straightened hair and shaky hands. He sees him in 2011, soft and rumpled. He sees him in 2012, scared and sobbing and someone else entirely. He sees him in 2013 and 2014 and 2015 and 2016 and 2017.

And then he sees him in 2018, laughing on stage. He sees him in future, asleep next to him. He sees him; hands clasped, lips locked, eyes on the other. He sees the narrow dip of his waist fitted under his palm and realises he has spent the better part of his life with him, loving him. And he doesn't want this any other way.

"I love you." he blurts out, 4 years of secret out in the open, just like that.

Dan tenses, pulls back. "You mean it?"

"Doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way, alright?" Phil tells him after a moment of silence "It's okay. I'll be fine."

( _it'll go away, it'll go away, it'll go away, it'll —_  
_But it's been 4 years; more than 4 years_ )

But then Dan's hands are around his neck and his lips are on Phil's. Phil sucks in a gasp, lets one of his hands fall down to Dan's waist and the other at the base of his neck. Their lips move together, desperate and fast and loving, and Phil just pulls him closer.

They break apart to breath. Dan's panting, red cheeks and redder lips. "I love you too, Phil," he confesses, voice sounding wrecked.

Phil catches Martyn's eyes from across the room. He is smiling. Phil smiles too.

His lips meet Dan's again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed!


End file.
